Still alive.

Yes, we are still fluttering around over here. It seems as though the summer has gotten away however. Between beach days and zoo trips, to visiting friends, along with a couple of vacations scattered in here and there, summertime was rich with experiences. And not much room to spare!

Filling up those little spaces in the memory banks of the youngins’ is always a treat for me.

Sunsets at the beach..

I admit, the beach was calling our name almost every week it seemed like! But we love it there and the kids could literally spend hours digging and playing in the sand. The best part is that they are all the perfect age now for me to pack us up on a whim for the beach without having to plan too much for it. I’ve been waiting for this day to come forever now!

Little diggers

Silliness

And football was a must during the fire pit night we had one evening…

Football fanatic

Might I add that beach nights are absolutely AMAZING to me!!! ūüôā

On the flip side, there was more to these summer beach days of fun. There was the reality of life that still ran through my entire sence of self, as I escaped to sunny days in the rays. The changes and choices that still go on, no matter where I am at any given point. I haven’t felt so inclined to write about these changes yet, let alone have time to keep up with my posts this summer. So much to do, so little time right?! It’s been really great though letting go of my grip with technology, remaining¬†present in every moment and forced to feel life without distraction or escape in that way.

The sand is to my kids what the waves are to me. But not so much for play, for thought really. Whether it’s the mesmerizing water colliding so relentless against the sand. Or the lulling crash and fading away of waves, with a force and song all its own. The vital sound could overcome anything around. Waves unceasingly abound the shore, although each in its own unique manner. Every wave comes with its own speed, size and depth.

When I watch them, I can almost fell the earth speaking. I can relate to its perpetual longing to make it to shore with each break that it makes. It’s the same consistency I find myself clinging to throughout life recently. Everyday brings something new. Whether it’s a fresh idea, inspiring thoughts from friends, soaking in moments with my kids, a new experience or just a renewed energy overall. It’s a pattern much like the uniqueness of every wave. God continually¬†provides opportunities for growth, many times in a different way. To see each one as significant and special is what I try to acknowledge. The subconscious desire to carry on with life is always there regardless of any setbacks. I know that it’s essential to stay constant to get to the place I need to be. Constant and steady like the waves…

Loves.

I have always felt so connected and inspired when I’m at the beach. I’m sure I’m not the only person who would feel that way. How could one not feel affected by the beauty of something so magnificent? It’s energy is undeniable to me.

The beach days of summer are starting to fade to memories, as the new school year is underway. All the experiences will be safely tucked away into the minds and hearts, as we make room for new ones. And as the proverb so gently reminds me… just when parts of life start to seem undone or coming to some sort of end, it is the chance to transcend into the next beautiful chapter!

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A Mother’s Day Tribute

For all the beautiful Mother’s out there:

God could not be in every place

With loving hands to help erase

The tear drops from each baby’s face,

And so He thought of mother.

He could not send us here alone

And leave us to a fate unknown;

Without providing for His own,

The outstretched arms of mother.

God could not watch us night and day

And kneel beside our crib to pray,

Or kiss our little aches away;

And so He sent us mother.

And when our childhood days began,

He simply could not take command.

That’s why He placed our tiny hand

Securely into mother’s.

The days of youth slipped quickly by,

Life’s sun rose higher in the sky.

Full grown were we, yet ever nigh

To love us still, was mother.

And when life’s span of years shall end,

I know that God will gladly send,

To welcome home her child again,

That ever-faithful mother.

~George W. Wiseman

For my mom… The most beautiful inside and out. She never falls short of giving so much love of herself as a mom, and now as a grandma (Mamu) as well.

Mom and Ella

And my little ones… They are such a gift, I’d probably be lost without them because so much about the person I am today has been from living and learning through them. I love them more than words can say.

 

Rock hunting catches clarity

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
~”Melody Beattie

This is such an amazing quote on how fulfilling life CAN be when we reach that point in which our perception of the reality in situations, presents true clarity and a sense of what we DO have as opposed to what we DON’T. When I look back on my life so far, I see that every opportunity; ups and downs, highs and lows, amazing’s with confusing’s and all the rest, is a chance for finding and acknowledging the fullness and blessings in it. The acceptance of each experience for what it was and that it was given for a reason has been such a learning and fulfilling moment to me. I know I was not put on this earth to waste my time. Each of us has our journey and special gift of life to live which hopefully can be¬†done so with clarity and with purpose.

So often I have moments like this one pictured below. My surroundings strike me with a period of thoughtfulness. Where I don’t have a clue why it’s important at that exact point¬†in time, but it might somehow reveal itself down the road again.

This was simply a beautiful day out on Lake Mohave, which has been an enjoyable vacation spot for my family ever since I was a kid. It was during the summer of 2010 on this particular day. Past the years of my childhood, abounded into motherhood and now camping on the lake for the first time during this trip, braving the heat with an 11, 5, 3¬†year old and 6 month old… it’s quite the experience!! Nursing a baby in 115 degree weather is just not pleasant for either parties involved let me tell you lol. But we managed and survived! It was a memorable trip for sure.

¬†The kids love to collect rocks while we are out there on the lake. It’s just something you do. I remember it as a kid, it’s like searching for buried treasure but it’s everywhere. There is only one catch..

When you take rocks out of their happy beautiful state in that water, they dry up and aren’t so pretty to look at any more.

Now that I have come to terms with this fact as an adult, I’ve grown fond of admiring the underwater beauty from above, and I leave it at that. It’s no coral reef to awe over of course. It has desert and heat written into all the fiery red-oranges, sunny browns and sandy beige you find throughout this rocky treasure. Somehow in the midst of all the rocks in this desert lake, you can come across shells as well. When you scan across the rocky floor, it’s almost hard to notice them.

That’s when on this day I was just itching to create a little underwater art, scoping out the shells with the kids and sort of messed around with the colors and layers. Brought a little order to this bit of chaos in nature as you can say….my organizing freak personality would try to bring order to nature of course lol. It was a fun little pass time which really is probably why “rock hunting” has evolved into the activity of choice on these trips. It is that pass time while you are up against nature and heat with children and without the screaming TV or bright and fancy toys around. You make the most of nature and something we can call God’s toy box. I have been reminded many times that he does always provide.

The clarity and beauty in this picture of underwater creation brings meaning to how I relate with and understand certain times I have gone through in my life.¬†I believe so much can be¬†revealed during certain moments and experiences throughout our lives, if we are able to reach that clarity. To see through it all and with a real openness and to be grateful for what “it” is in that very moment in time. I know that there have been times that I remained¬†closed to what I was meant to see, may have lost out on a number of learning experiences. But my heart is ever trying.

There are also those times, where try as you might, you just can’t see why or what to be grateful for. It’s the times of not being able to see through such crystal clear water so to say. It’s harder to see past the surface. Maybe it’s not being able to see further, the fear of what lies ahead. Or maybe knowing that it is something deeper you need to get to, but just don’t want to go there, because you know it will be a lot to work through all the muddiness of the inevitable.¬†It might hurt too.

It’s hard to feel assured in those times, whether you quite know what you are dealing with or not, being¬†grateful in a moment which feels overwhelming and confusing is a downright challenge. I have faced this feeling many times throughout the past few years.

¬†Sometimes it just takes time. In fact a lot of the time myself, I realize that giving things time can bring the most clarity to a situation and it is in those ‘real’ times of growth that I’ve felt blessed with and grateful to have had a chance to learn during it. I am grateful for the outcome and seeing that the time was a gift in and of itself.

Time doesn’t stop, nor should we. Two and a half years ago, we couldn’t stop to really breathe in the harsh reality of losing a family business that was our livelihood. It was who we were. No, there was not time to look back and sign a farewell to that chapter which was forced to close on us. Because time was still going to carry on and wouldn’t wait for us to do so. Nor would it bring back what mostly we needed to move on from. It was denial, it was confusion, and it was chaos. Pregnant and expecting our third child, having just stepped down from a regional make-up artist position to be with my kids just weeks prior, and then be facing the job loss of my husband was enough to send a crazy prego lady over the edge of sanity.

Thankfully though, FAITH stepped in. It said move on because you have NO choice, but still be grateful for what lies behind you. It still is and will always be a part of you. Bitterness and blame won’t sustain much overtime. Resentment and hurt could only do more damage than the freeing possibility of accepting what I couldn’t change and had no control over.

Clarity in darkness is the most beautifully reassuring.

Terrified to let go and trust in the next step, afraid of falling without seeing who will catch you, yet still jumping into that unknown place with your arms out wide and a heart that is at peace, that is what facing life clear and head on feels like. Then you land safely and see how reassuring it felt to give it all up. It may not have been an easy ride. Ours certainly has not been in terms of rebounding from a life changing loss like that, but it’s the fact of being clear in this new direction and grateful for every new opportunity and new day of course. It’s another chance.

The¬†setting summer sun on the lake is always so amazing. The stillness of the earth settles in on the water as the sun has made its way over. Any beautiful sunset can capture you, but this is a bit different. With the lake water so calmed, and the quiet desert dryness, it’s just something else.¬†It brings peace to my mind. I could get so lost in the breathtaking few minutes of that sunset if it wasn’t for the giggles or child-like footsteps I’d hear creeping up on me, knocking me back into my reality.

Then I become grateful to the ones I am able to share that moment with, and it’s still breathtaking.

I honestly sometimes wish I was¬†as sure as the sun sets, in what my life is about or how it will end up. I wish it was laid out with answers of what lies ahead, although I know reassuring as it sounds, it wouldn’t be as enjoyable. That is though the beauty in life, that¬†we have the ability to change our destiny and ultimately direct our own lives¬†to where we want it. For me the moments of pure gratitude are made¬†clear¬†in times when I almost don’t realize it happens.

It’s reaching a state in my mind that truly appreciates what I have in that given moment and not questioning it, just having faith!